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Letting Go

June 5, 2009

letting go

Today was the last day of school for the year. I headed in to work this morning feeling pretty upbeat. I was doing good! I felt great! I was excited! Then I walked in the door and a group of kids bombarded me with hugs. OK, OK. Sweet, but I was still OK. I was going to be fine. Then, as I was settling in before first period, in walked Sabrina…. with a box she painted drama masks on herself, and a note from her mom… thanking me for bringing theatre into her daughter’s life. I was no longer completely fine. But I was hanging in there. I teared up, but I regained composure.

Then first period began. We had a little party. I took some pictures. We were having a good time. A few minutes before the bell was going to ring I got their attention and said, “I just wanted to say thank you for making my first year of teaching so… so….”

I started bawling.

I muffled through tears, “I told myself I wasn’t going to cry.” One of my students said, “You lied!” They all came up and gave me a big group hug. That was the end. I just could not pull myself together. I was glad I waited til the end of class to thank them, because I was thankfully saved by the bell, and having second period off meant I was able to take a little time to pull myself back together. I was not prepared for the tears from my kids, or myself. I am a crier by nature, and I prepared to get teary-eyed. I didn’t prepare to bawl.

The day did get easier as it went on, but it really hit me that I was losing them, and in a lot of cases probably forever. I will be teaching at a different school next year, so I couldn’t even take comfort in the fact that I would see some of them again in the fall. I was sending them all out into the world. They were my babies! How could I let them go? I still had so much to teach them! Not so much about theatre, but about life. I wondered if there was more I should have said throughout the year… more wisdom I could have bestowed on them. But I had my year in their lives and it was time for them to move on.

I just had no idea it would be so hard to let go….

2 Comments leave one →
  1. June 11, 2009 12:06 am

    Hi, there, Ms. Alexander–I just discovered your blog after you commented on mine! (OK, you commented way back in April and I just now saw it, but shhhh, we’ll just pretend that I’m not as technologically-clueless as I appear, ok?)

    BRAVO to you for surviving and mastering your first year! I promise that it never ever will again be as hard as this year was–isn’t that a nice reward for all your hard work?

    Your blog both cracks me up and brings tears to my eyes. I recognized so much of what I read here! The good stuff and the bad. Isn’t it nice to know we aren’t alone in our zaniness??

    So glad you had a wonderful last day. Hope you can rest and relax this summer! Enjoy!!

    • msdramaqueen permalink*
      June 11, 2009 10:49 am

      Thank you! And thanks for stopping by! I am glad you enjoyed it. 🙂 I find this is a good outlet for me and plan to reflect some more on my first year over the summer and keep posting, even though school is out (and I tell you what, this summer break thing is AWESOME)!

      Anyway, thanks again for stopping by!

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