I stand in front of kids and talk all day long. It’s only a matter of time before something really embarrassing happens in front of all of them. This week I had one of those moments.
I have had a cold for the past week and I am very “phlegm-y.” As I was talking to the class about their assignment (after saying “I need all eyes on me so I know you are hearing me,” of course), a HUGE wad of phlegm flew up my throat and fell out of my mouth onto my chin.
I am not kidding.
I have no idea how it happened so fast, but I quickly threw my hand up there to catch it and put it back into my mouth. OK, so that is even more disgusting! But what was I supposed to do?!? I couldn’t stop, walk across the room with phlegm on my chin and grab a kleenex to wipe it off. I was praying in that moment nobody noticed.
I wasn’t so lucky.
I actually made one student gag. Another student asked, “Ms. Alexander, was that gum?” I thought to myself, “Ooh, yes! Gum! That is much less disgusting!” But I was torn. I could say it was gum, but I am the gum NAZI. I hate gum. I preach about it all the time and I am a hound dog when it comes to catching my kids with gum. What kind of hypocrite would I be if it had been gum? Do I say it was gum and then lose that respect? But then again, I can’t say… “NO, it wasn’t GUM! It was PHLEGM!” So I just chose to keep on talking and pray they dropped the subject.
They did, but I’m sure it will be one of the stories they tell 10 years later…. “I once had a teacher who hacked phlegm all over herself.” Eeewwwwwww!!